Well, it came just as I expected. A diagnosis of seropositive rheumatoid arthritis. I just turned 32 and with that, came a diagnosis that’s supposed to stay with me forever.

This post will be more of a journey entry, as keeping a pen and paper journal wasn’t a good choice at the time, I started this blog because gripping a pen is too painful. I want to be able to remember how I’m feeling, what lead me here when looking back. I don’t know about you, but my memory is awful and it’s often hard to remember the small details.

Late summer, my left thumb began to hurt, got swollen and red. I joked and thought I had gout. It hurt for weeks and then the swelling started going down. Then my right pinkie finger started to swell, get red and tender next. This time, not going away. I started to get sick, cough sore throat, bronchitis. Treated at home for almost two weeks before making an appointment with my doctor. While I was there, I thought I might as well mention my hand pain and the swelling that wasn’t going away. She gave me a steroid taper and cough medicine and ordered some lab work. I treated the bronchitis, with the taper, my pain improved a little. Once the steroids were out of my system, I got my blood work done. Positive ANA, Positive anti-ccp(no value of how high), Rheumatoid factor abnormal at 23, C reactive protein was normal, SED rate was normal. My doctor said my labs were abnormal and warranted a new referral to see rheumatology to rule out RA. I then went into nurse mode, researching everything I could about those levels and what that could mean. Clearly, from the positive anti-ccp labs, and positive RA factor, I knew they would diagnose me with RA. With my history of positive systemic scleroderma, I read research studies on overlapping scleroderma with RA, that’s what scared me. What if the scleroderma is back and now I’ve developed RA too? Fear showed up then, because those patient’s, it’s not good. I then knew I had to get into see rheumatology as quick as I could, because I couldn’t wait months to get more specialized labs to rule out scleroderma. I couldn’t wait. So, working in the ICU, I spoke with my docs I work with. I showed them my labs, one doctor said “You better hope it’s just RA, you need to be seen ASAP”. Another doc, called the rheumatogist I saw for the scerloderma on her personal phone and asked her to get me in ASAP. Later that day, her office called and offered me a April appointment, APRIL. Mind you, this is December at this point. I politely declined the April appointment, only to find out, the doctor then messaged my doctor and said I refused the appointment that was offered in March. I told my ICU doctor that was a total lie, which it was. Everything happens for a reason, the lady I spoke to on the phone was so rude, then she lied about the offered appointment. I’m so glad I declined and went with my gut!! A lovely hospitalist I work with saw me researching rheumatologist, and said my friend is a rheumatologist! Needless to say, I had an appointment scheduled with her office for the following week! Gotta use your contacts when you can, there has to be pros to being a nurse right? So I took the first open appointment they offered me, even though I was scheduled to work. I knew it would work out. My charge nurse offered to work my morning shift so I could make my appointment.

Taking a break, the typing is causing some pain. break time.

My first appointment went good (12/18/25), she ordered more detailed blood work and full x-rays, chest, hands, feet to check my joints. I was also started on methotrexate(MTX) at that time as well. She said for now, its autoimmune arthritis, which is just an umbrella term until the blood work comes back. I went straight to get the blood work and x-rays done. The waiting felt like forever. Great news, all my x-rays came back great, no joint damage at this time. I was mostly concerned about my right 5th finger since the swelling had been there for months at that point. I was happy to find that my joint was okay. My labs came back- Scleroderma labs-NEGATIVE, thank God! CCP >500 (supposed to be less than 17). This test is specifically for RA and usually indicates more aggressive disease and progression. When this resulted, my doctor actually messaged me at 9:30 pm-“your CCP is very elevated, which is highly suggestive of rheumatoid arthritis. CCP positive RA is generally associated with increased risk of radiographic progression and aggressive disease, however it is reassuring that your x-rays were normal and we are being proactive by starting RA treatment now.” Rheumatoid factor-19. She tested for so many different things, lupus, other arthritis types, scleroderma, ect. All those came back negative and just the RA labs were elevated. This was such a relief! In my head, I was just thinking, okay RA I can manage.

So, I began methotrexate treatment which I take on Saturday mornings. Each other day of the week, I take folic acid to help with the methotrexate side effects. The following week was Christmas and I had to use my inhaler way more than I typically do, which had me a little worried as one side effect is respiratory problems. I messaged my doctor and she told me to stop taking it. I requested to continue and see how it goes. During Christmas, we visited a lot of different places, some with dogs and smoking in the home. Both of those things, I thought were contributing to my increased shortness of breath. There were times, I almost asked Tyler to take me to the ER, I just couldn’t catch my breath. I’m so happy that is went away as I expected. Note to self, carry my inhaler all the time, which I have been since this experience! The only side effect I’m having in this buzzing in my ears. It’s not constant, but it is often. It’s not a ringing, just a hum, buzz.

Next appointment came (1/23/26) were I was diagnosed with seropositive rheumatoid arthritis. (Seronegative RA=your lab work doesn’t show RA. Seropositive RA=your lab work does show RA (Rheumatoid factor and ccp)).

The week leading up to this appointment, was a tough week, emotionally and mentally. I have a few drafted blog posts from that week that I never published. They were very raw, vulnerable and honestly kind of negative. I was feeling extremely alone, my pain wasn’t getting any better, in fact it was just getting worse. I realize now, looking back, I was isolating myself during these few weeks. I would just go to the bathroom and cry, not talk to my husband about it because I didn’t think he’d understand. My husband is a wonderful man, so kind and supportive, but he’s very anti medication, for himself. My mind, took that fact and ran with it. Telling me, he’s judging me for needing medicine for the rest of my life, medication for my pain three times a day. Did he ever make a comment that was in any way judging me, absolutely not. It was just me. I even almost tried to get him to not come to my next appointment with me, I just wanted to go alone. Honestly, I thought I’d just start crying when the doctor walked in and just break down and tell her how much pain I was in. I mean the little things guys, brushing my teeth in the morning was horrible. Opening doors, pulling my own pants up, putting my shoes on, working, you get the point. It was a rough time where my pain wasn’t managed and I was emotionally low.

I had joined a facebook RA support group since December, my mistake! The “support” group, was so negative and even judgemental. One person posted about their faith and that God could heal their RA. People actually mocked that person and proceeded to say that RA is autoimmune and chronic and forever, blah blah blah. After seeing that, I left that support group. I also had a moment of discouragement, and God asked me why I was running to a support group and not Him. Thank you Holy Spirit, for reminding me that God is always here with me, through it all.

Treatment options were between two medications, I don’t remember the name of the second. The first was an injection I’d give myself every other week or the second was a daily pill but not recommended for people with history of blood clots. That scared the heck out of me since my dad passed away at 44 years old with a blood clot in his lung. So I said I’d rather do the injections. So she ordered Cimzia which needed pre-approval from insurance that I’m currently still waiting on. She also gave me a high dose Prednisone taper for one week to try to get my inflammation down and get my pain managed. I was very grateful for that. So, currently, I’m continuing the methotrexate and folic acid and waiting for approval to start the Cimzia.

I held it together during the appointment. I didn’t start to tear up until after the doctor left the room. I’m so glad that Tyler was there with me and that I didn’t push him away.

Since then, I’ve read two books on RA, one on the Mediterranean diet and have tried my best to stay positive and lead on God.

Lean on God..didn’t come easy this round. This is going to get very vulnerable okay. When I was diagnosed with Scleroderma, I feel like I was so strong and focused, trusting in God. I also had my great grandma Alma. I remember sitting in her kitchen and she played me a song, Heaven’s point of view. And she began to cry. She prayed over me, for healing. If you didn’t know her, she was so amazing. She had been through so much, and she had such a strong, deep faith in the Lord. She never cried either, that was a very rare sight. But she cried for me, for my healing. Man, I miss her. Not having her here through this, has been extremely difficult. God healed me of scleroderma, total healing. So, deep down, I didn’t think I deserved another miracle. I already got my one, I won’t get another. (deep down pit thoughts, also, lies from the pit of hell), but thoughts I’d been having. It’s so funny how if someone I loved were going through this, I would tell them God doesn’t just give you one miracle, that’s not how that works. But when it’s about myself, why couldn’t I do that? anyways, it’s been hard battling the thought of dealing with this forever and medication and injections forever, versus I can be healed of this and trusting God. Honest battle. Last week at church, we had a worship service in the evening, and the pastor did an altar call for healing and I was standing in the back, frozen. My husband even tried to get me to go, and I was hesitant. God, I’m so sorry. Doubt had it’s grip on me, aka the devil. Telling me I’m not worth another miracle. how sad. But, after a few minutes of feeling numb and torn, I stepped into the aisle and just walked up to the altar. I didn’t know if Tyler followed me or not. I just took a step, walked and got on my knees. That’s all I could do. I didn’t have words to pray, I didn’t have the strength to pray, so I just got on my knees. Sometimes, we may not have much to give God, but giving all we have is enough. I raised my hands, I cried and I surrendered. Eventually, I was able to speak and just began to ask for forgiveness, rebuking the thoughts I’d been having of not being enough, not being worth it. Asking for His will to be done. Asking for strength. God met me. On my knees at the altar. Surrendering to God is so freeing. I’m so grateful for His presence and His love. I got up when someone tapped me to stand, they wanted to pray for me and Tyler, she had a word from the Lord to tell us. When I stood, I realized Tyler had been with me the whole time I was on my knees. Right there behind me, hands lifted praying too. God is moving guys. When we both received a word, she basically said God was telling us that we didn’t need to try so hard. Once she got done praying for us, I looked at Tyler and asked him if that was just what he needed to hear as well. We both agreed. Then the pastor came back around to the side I was on, and gave me a hug. I gathered up the strength I had a told her, I need a miracle but I don’t think I deserve one. I felt so desperate in that moment. She prayed for me and I’m so grateful for her. [This is why it’s so important to find a good home church, a place you feel safe to surrender, to cry out of help, with pastors that preach the Word of God, not sugar coating the truth]!!!!

Through it all, God is here. In every day life, in every diagnosis, in every altar call. God walks with us. On the other side, Satan wants nothing more than to destroy us and steal everything we have. In this situation, I’ve seen Satan want me isolated, thinking the worst, feeling like I can’t even pray for healing. There were times, when I fell for that, times when he “won”. But, I didn’t let him win. I surrendered. Praying that whatever may be going on in your life, your walk, that you don’t let Satan win. That you surrender. Surrendering, brings freedom.

RA, won’t define me. RA won’t win. And I am praying for healing in Jesus’ name. But most importantly, I’m praying for His will be done in my life. If that’s living with RA and trusting in Him through it all, then thats what it will be. Glory to Him, through it all.

Special thanks, to all those who have supported me these past two months. Those who have prayed for me. Thank you to my husband for loving me and always being there for me, thank you for my copper pain bracelet and my hand spa treatment machine that you surprised me with. Thank you for going to my appointments even when I tried to give you outs to not come. Thank you for rubbing my hands after a long shift when I felt like I couldn’t move them. Thank you for changing extra diapers when I hurt too bad to help you. I love you. Thank you so much to my co worker, you know who you are, for sharing your story and your experiences, for crying with me and making me feel seen and not alone, that meant more to me than you’ll ever know. ❤

xoxo,

Kiersten